Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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