3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
