dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
