end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize