1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
