Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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