After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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