i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
