1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
