Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
