the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What a dumb baby whore.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
