No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Houston, we have a squirter
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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