if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
