that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
