Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
