I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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