Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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