i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
