just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
