Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
