she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
