Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
