My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
