If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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