what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
