your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
