well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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