I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
