4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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