Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
