mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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