The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
