Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
