I think my fart just growled at me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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