so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
