absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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