I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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