Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
