Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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