Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
