dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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