I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
