Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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