Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
