he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
