no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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