I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize