Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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