The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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