she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
