Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
