ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
