just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Enjoy the penises
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
