I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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