you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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