So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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