Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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