what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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