So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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