I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
