walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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