I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
