Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
