His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
