She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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