My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
