That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
