There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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