I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
