I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
