hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
