I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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