I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
