He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
