I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
