ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
