God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
