True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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